TAXI DRIVER

深夜4時、寝たふりをする。
小学生の頃に布団に潜って息を殺したことを思い出す。

定年退職をした父がタクシードライバーを始めたという話を6月頃に聴いた。
家でのんびりしているのに飽きたそうだ。
前の仕事を辞めた後に車に旅に出たけれど「疲れたし飽きた」という単純な理由から
スケジュールを大幅に縮めて実家に帰ってきたらしい。

タクシードライバーは1回の出勤が長く、朝は8時に家を出、夜は4時に帰ってくる。
次の日は昼過ぎまで寝てしまうようだが、60過ぎの父親にはさぞかし辛いだろう。

翌昼、父の昼食(父にとっては朝食)を用意する。
遅めの朝食を一緒に食べていると「今日は何円稼いだぞ」だとか「とんでもない客がいて」だとか、
初めて民間企業に勤める楽しさを興奮気味に語りかけてくる。

最初の頃は「大丈夫か？親父」と思って聴いていたけれど
「昨日はどうだった」と、父と仕事の話をするのが楽しいと感じている自分がいることに気付いた。

母や祖父からは「将来が安定している公務員を目指しなさい」と言われてきた。
一方、教師だった父は「公務員は誰からも褒められないからやりがいなんてないんだぞ」とこっそり教えてくれた。
自分が就職をした際には「俺は民間企業に努めた経験がないから、何もアドバイスをしてやれなくてごめんな」と言っていた。

今、初めて家族と仕事の話をする。もちろん、自分の方が先輩ではあるのだけれど。
「民間企業なんてそんなもんだよ」と父に言う日が来るとは思わなかった。

深夜、夜更かしをしていると遠くからエンジンの音がかすかに聞こえ、父が帰ってくる。
静かに玄関を開け、音も立てずに階段を登っていく。
電気を消し、急いで布団に潜って寝たふりをする。
襖が開き、音のない部屋で父の視線を背中越しに感じる。

「お疲れだね」の一言もかけてやれない自分がもどかしく、今では自分のほうが父を心配しているということに気づいた。

4 o'clock in the morning, I pretended to be sleeping.
I remenbered that I used to hold my breath and pretend to be sleeping in my bed when I was a child.

I listened to the story that my father who had been retired, but began to work as a taxi driver around June.
It seemed he got tired of relaxing at home.
After quitting his previous job, he went on a trip, but the trip schedule had shrunk and he returned home.
The reason is so simple, he got tired and felt lonely. 

Taxi drivers have to work a long time.
One morning, he left home at 8 am in the morning and returned at 4 o'clock in the morning.
The next day he seemed to be asleep until noon, but it will be painful for my father who is over 60.

The next day, I prepared my father's lunch (for my father, it was breakfast).
We ate breakfast at the same time, he said "I earned  so much!" and "There was a ridiculous customer."
He talked with excitement about the pleasure of working for a private company for the first time.

When I first heard that I replied "Are you OK Father?"
I noticed that I felt it was fun to talk about our work with my father, like  "How was yesterday?"

From my mother and grandfather I was told that "You have to get stable jobs."
On the other hand, my father who was a teacher taught me secretly that "public officials can not be praised by anyone, Don't be a teacher, like me"
When I got a job, he told me that "I haven't worked in a private company, so I was sorry I can not give you  any advice."

We could talk about work with my family for the first time. Of course, I had more experience than my father.
I didn't think the day would come to say to my father that "Don't expect anything from a private company. That's the way it is."

At midnight one day, when I stayed up late, I could faintly hear the sound of the engine from afar, and my father came back.
He opened the door quietly and climbed the stairs without a sound.
Then I turned off the light, to hurry to bed and pretended to be asleep.
The sliding door opened and I felt my father's gaze on my back.

I was frustrated that I couldn't say a few words like "How was the day?" and now, I realized that I was anxious about my father.